


Comparisons

by yuume



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-12
Updated: 2014-02-12
Packaged: 2018-01-12 03:19:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1181277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuume/pseuds/yuume
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'A man's dick is proportionate to his height'</p><p>This simple statement had Eren bending backwards to prove it's validity</p>
            </blockquote>





	Comparisons

**Author's Note:**

> Based off a prompt
> 
> Also on rivialle-heichou.tumblr.com

There had been rumors. 

Rumors about heichou’s dick size. While most  _sane_ group would not be wasting their time arguing about whether or not Levi-heichou’s dick was proportionate to his body size. Squad 104 was not the case.

Especially with Jean and Eren in the same group, things were going to get  _weird._

This whole thing started when Armin decided to bring his human anatomy book to the group. While showing them all the amazing functions the human body can do, they stumbled across a little fact.

‘ _A human dick size is statistically significant to the person’s height’_

 

After this interesting little fact, an uproar stirred in the group… or rather an uproar stirred between Jean and Eren. Both wanting to best the other were shoving and pushing to get their height properly measured.

After all every group needed an alpha male…right?

They were minutes away from whipping it out and measuring it against each other, before Hanji cut in with the statement that started this whole insane quest to see Heichou’s dick.

‘ _Hahaha Levi’s dick must be the size of a raisin then’_

And it was from that moment forward, in which all males members of squad 104 did everything in their ability to catch a glimpse at Levi’s weenie.

Reiner resorted to challenging Levi in a racing match on their 3d gear, which he lost…horribly

Armin used persuasion, and baiting…which Levi could not give a rat’s ass about.

Jean actually had to balls, to flirt with Heichou, in order to get him in bed just so he could see his dick. This resulted in him being tied upside down from a tree

 

Now, Eren used his brain. Instead of following in the footsteps of his failed squad mates. He loitered around the men’s urinal. 

After all, everyone had to pee.

.

.

.

Leaning against one of the stalls, he muffled another yawn. He had been pacing around this stall for the whole day waiting for Levi, yet this short little man seems to have a bladder of steel.

Letting out a string of air, he tapped his foot impatiently. God this was taking forever.

“Argggggg!” He gave a frustrated shout, as he shook one of the stall doors’ . He was never much of a patient person.

“What are you doing Jaeger?”

Whipping around, Eren stared at the shorter male. “Um…using the bathroom of course!” 

“And that involves violently abusing the door?” Levi asked again, this time with one of his brows quirked.

Giving an awkward chuckled, Eren rubbed the back of his neck. “I walked into it and I was upset?”

“I’m glad you didn’t turn into titan to get your revenge.”

Eren furrowed his brows. Was that joke? Was Levi-heichou telling a joke? It was kinda hard to tell considering, he always had that ‘eat-shit’ expression on. Deciding to go with his gut feeling, Eren gave a nervous chuckled. “You’re so funny, Heichou.”

Levi gave him an impassive stare.

“But, enough about me…don’t you have to pee?” Eren urged as he motioned Levi towards one of the urinals.

Swatting Eren’s hands away, Levi walked to one of the stalls and unzipped his pants. 

Gulping, Eren quickly got into the urinal beside Levi. Taking out his own dick, he pretend to pee,  while occasionally trying to sneak a glance over. 

He couldn’t see a damn thing. The only thing he saw was Levi’s hands and the head of the dick. Pushing himself up, so he was standing on his tippy toes, Eren leaned over even more. 

“What the fuck are you doing Jaeger?” Levi drawled out in his usual bored tone.

“Um…” Eren paused. He was so damn close to seeing heichou’s dick. Decided not to back down now, he changed his course of action. “Just thinking about how small your dick is, Heichou.”

“Excuse me?” Levi’s eyes narrowed. Did this brat want a death wish?

Shrugging, Eren stepped away from the urinal and displayed his dick out. “See, look at my dick 5.2 inches, bigger than the average.”

“…” 

“While I can’t even seem to see yours.” He continued to bait the shorter man.

A vein ticked on Levi’s forehead. Smirking, Eren continued. The plan was working!

“I mean, Heichou is humanities strongest, but that dick is hardly impressive.” Eren gave a small scoff. “My titan form even have a bigger penis than you, and it doesn’t even have genitalia.”

“My dick isn’t small, Jaeger” Levi gritted as he gave his dick two shakes to clear away any excess pee.

Biting his lower lip to hide his growing grin, Eren cleared his throat. “Really? Then let’s compare.”

“I don’t have time for your childish game, you shitty brat.”

In a mocking fashion, Eren raised his hands to his side and sighed. “Guess Heichou is all big talk and no action.”

Growling, Levi turned away from the stall and showed off his dick to Eren. “You wanna compare brat?” He gritted. “Fine, but the best way is with an erect penis.”

“Eh?” Eren did a double take. “What are you suggesting, Heichou?”

Keeping one hand on his dick, Levi started jerking off. “Give yourself a boner and then let’s compare. Or are you too chicken?”

Not liked to be challenged, even if it’s by a superior. Eren grabbed his own dick, and stared defiantly at Levi. “Fine!”

Both males, not breaking eye contact jerked off. Levi with his normal ‘eat-shit’ face though there was a glint in his eyes, while Eren just looked…aggressive.

After a couple minutes of jerking and pumping, both males had perfectly erected boners. Awkwardly shuffling over, Eren stood hip by hip with Levi. 

“Let’s compare!” Eren half shouted, as he looked down. Staring at the two dicks before him, he heart sank. There was no comparison. Heichou’s dick was at least bigger than his by 1.5 inches. “W-What? How is this possible? You’re so short!”

Scoffing, Levi turned around and awkwardly hobbled away. “Looks like you’re the one with the teeny, tiny wiener, Jaeger.”

Blinking Eren stood there stunned. 

Guess that fact in Armin’s book was wrong…


End file.
